ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
