I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
