A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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