shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize