Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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