remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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