Whatcha textin bout Willis?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
