Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
