i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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