You just made me feel so damn special
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
