If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
