just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
