a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
ttyl tear gas
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize