Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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