i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize