Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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