Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize