Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
