just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My balls are so social today.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
