i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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