So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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