At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
