i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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