Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
