I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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