I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
