is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
