Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
