What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My dad is sitting where you rode me
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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