walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
