the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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