the new term for farting is butt boxing.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
