It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
