No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
