If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
