I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
