Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
