She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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