I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Boobs are out for the taking
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize