How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
