make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
