My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
that may or may not have been my penis.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
