I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
