Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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