Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
