how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I look better un-naked...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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