I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize