I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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