He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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