I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
barbara walters just said penis...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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