sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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