Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize