You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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