I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
