i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
