when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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