can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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