he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
