and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
