I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize