just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
