What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
