do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
