I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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