It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
