Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
