i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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