i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
