You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
