Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That's intense
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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