I must be too annoying 4 u.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
