Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
