the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
