i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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