He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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