i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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