I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
