Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
