Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
