Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
