Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
