Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
