I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
