I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
