I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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