May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
