he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
