Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I need a beard to bite.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
