the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
