meet me or not, i'm out of control
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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