Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize