Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize