It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
