My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize