Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
