Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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