Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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