My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
