My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
