Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
