Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
