I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
