best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
