Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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