She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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