IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
