I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
